Where We Go From Here
by starklya
Summary: 4x22 reaction ficlet. Blaine drags Kurt into an empty classroom and decides to propose. Kurt has no idea what to say, but knows that they are not ready for marriage. They talk.


**Takes place directly after the end of 4x22**

When the wedding celebration seemed to be dissipating, Blaine pulled Kurt away from the group, herding him into an empty classroom and locking the door behind them.

"Blaine, what-" Kurt yelped, just catching his balance. He pulled away to dust imaginary dirt off his sides and fix his hair.

"I just—I have to do this now. I know it's not romantic or anything, but—" Blaine's voice sounded rushed, desperate. Kurt had never heard him sound so nervous before.

"Blaine, what are you talking about?" Kurt questioned, finally turning away from his primping to glance at Blaine.

Down on one knee.

"_Blaine," _the name came out in a gasp, Kurt's hand coming to his heart in surprise, his eyes widening. "What are you doing?"

He began to babble. "Look, Kurt, I know I've hurt you a lot—"

"Blaine," Kurt baulked, raising a hand. "You can't—"

"But I swear, I'll never do it again—"

"Blaine!" Kurt raised his voice just a tad, and made himself look Blaine in the eyes. They were so open, teary, and Blaine was breathing _so hard_, god. Kurt cleared his throat and forced his voice to sound calm and firm. "Stop."

Blaine stopped immediately, looking away. A small whisper escaped his lips, just loud enough for Kurt to hear, "You're the love of my life, Kurt."

Kurt let out an involuntary whimper, he couldn't _stand this_. "Blaine, please get up. I can't look at you down on your knee like—"

"Right! Right. Sorry," Blaine scrambled to his feet, rubbing his eyes on the back of this sleeve. He looked all of five years old and Kurt crumbled.

He stepped forward, pulling Blaine's hands from his face, grasping them tightly in his own and pulling them to his chest.

"We're not even together anymore, Blaine," he whispered, trying to be gentle. _They hadn't been together for a long time. _

Blaine's eyes glued themselves to floor. "I know that," he whispered.

"We're still teenagers," Kurt continued, almost incredulous.

Blaine stayed silent this time, not moving an inch. Kurt sighed, grabbing Blaine gently by the chin, compelling him to meet his eyes.

"What is this about, Blaine? You know I can't say yes."

Blaine pulled from him abruptly, storming over to slam his hands onto a desk, bowing his head.

"I just can't take this anymore, Kurt. I love you, I'm sorry, I've apologized a million times and sometimes it seems like you've forgiven me and sometimes it seems like you haven't and all you want to do is hook up and I'm _confused _Kurt. I know I want you. But I have no idea how to be what you want. So please just tell me. I don't want to lose you. Not more than I already have."

"So this was just a dramatic move out of desperation, a la the Gap incident," Kurt tried to joke, the words _I have no idea how to be what you want_ ringing in his ear.

Blaine glared at him, refusing to let him off the hook. The time to talk was now, it seemed. Kurt had been waiting for this, but he still wasn't ready. He wasn't sure he would ever be ready. Kurt sighed, exhaustion oozing from every pore. He lumbered slowly to the closest chair, sinking onto the unforgiving metal as best he could.

"You're right." He admitted, "I've been playing hot and cold with you. I'm sorry. But I'm just as confused as you are. You hurt me, Blaine."

"I know," he murmured.

"You _broke my heart_, Blaine. You _cheated _on me_._ I never expected something like that from you. I didn't know how to handle it. I _don't _know how to handle it," a sob tore from his throat, forcing his words to stop. Tears burned in the corner of his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. _Why was it so hard to talk to Blaine without crying? _"This is not how things were supposed to go," Kurt choked out. "Where do we go from here?"

Blaine finally relaxed a little, sinking onto a chair near Kurt.

"I don't know."

"I still love you, Blaine," Kurt said, almost regretfully. "I never stopped. You know that right?"

"I know." He sounded unsure, but Kurt couldn't reassure him anymore than that. He didn't have the energy.

Kurt went on. "I just don't think we can be in a relationship right now. I know it's cliché to say, but. I need more time. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry!" Blaine's eyes fell to his and he straightened up in his seat, eager. "Just knowing there's a chance—"

"Blaine! You can't do that to me." Kurt stood up, suddenly agitated, his hands flying as he ranted. "You are putting too much pressure on me. You are making me feel guilty for still feeling hurt, and that's not fair! Can't you just let things be for a minute? I need to breathe."

Blaine's face immediately fell, his body slumping back in his chair. Kurt's heart dropped to his stomach. "Blaine, I didn't—"

"No Kurt, you're right. I do need to learn to be okay on my own. I need to learn to be alone." He sounded so dejected and resigned. _So dramatic, his Blaine. _

"Not alone, Blaine, never alone." Kurt sighed, almost exasperated, but then switched gears, stepping closer to squat down, placing his hands on Blaine's knees. "Being single is not the same thing as being alone, Blaine," he said gently, staring directly in his eyes. "No matter what, you'll always be one of the most important people in my life. That will never change. You don't have to worry. I'm not going anywhere."

Blaine sniffed, and Kurt couldn't help himself any longer. He leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Blaine's stomach. Blaine took a few deep breathes, burying his face in Kurt's hair, but didn't break down as Kurt thought he might. He straightened up, pulling himself from Kurt's embrace. Kurt got the message and stood, taking a step back.

They stared at each other in silence, wondering how to proceed.

"You're just like your dad, you know," Blaine blurted out.

"My dad?" Kurt raised an eyebrow, amused and intrigued, reclaiming his seat with a swift crossing of his legs.

"I asked him if I could, you know—"

"Go insane and pull a finchel?" Kurt interrupted airily, flicking a stray hair out of his face.

Blaine's face went red, but he locked his eyes with Kurt's. "Yes, that."

Both Kurt's eyebrows went up in question, and Blaine's voice went surprisingly firm.

"He said that if we really loved each other, we would end up together. And that I needed to stop worrying."

Kurt felt suddenly breathless. "Well," he gasped. Determinedly switching to a haughty tone, Kurt continued, "my dad is a very smart man."

They were silent for another moment, and Kurt took a deep breath. He had actually been thinking about this for a while; he just had to _say it_. He winced. "We have to stop hooking up."

Blaine didn't seem surprised, but his eyes still filled with fear.

"It messes with my head," Kurt insisted, his hands gesticulating wildly. "We need to take a step back. I need to learn to trust you again before we can—"

Blaine jumped in, leaning forward in his seat, excited again. "That's all I want Kurt. I just want you to trust me again."

Kurt took a deep breath, holding up a hand to keep Blaine from interrupting again. "So I'm going back to New York soon. We'll just text and call and skype each other. As often as possible. We'll get through the rest of this school year and take things gradually. And, maybe, this summer—"

"This summer?" Blaine interjected, his voice shaky with disbelief and a hint of hope.

"I'll be home." Kurt smiled. "Maybe we can try again then, you know, when I can see you every day. We can learn to be a couple again. But until then—"

"Just friends," Blaine sighed, but he didn't sound disappointed.

"No, Blaine." Kurt shook his head. He'd learned his lesson. There was no use lying anymore. He had to start being honest with himself, and with Blaine. "Not just friends. Never just friends."


End file.
